eff you, blogworld.

for some reason i really just feel like i'm too old to have a blog.

ah geeze, self.

I'm very animated. How i move. how i talk. my facial expressions. i don't know that it has quite crossed the annoying line, but i might be getting up there. what has made me come to realize this, is saturday evening.

so i come to a costume party, not knowing that it is indeed a costume party. the opposite of what happens in late 80s teen movies. so this is a good start. i only know a couple of people and they are the ones hosting this get together, so i am forced to dance in a corner by myself , drink wine and smoke ciggarettes way too often and much to fast. 

like. 

lightening. 

for a while it's nice, i met a couple of new people danced a little more.
then. it happens.
it's one o' clock and i have now realized  after 5 glasses of wine, two shots, and some youknowwhat ....  that i am hammered by multiple stand points.

now,  i have never been a puker. i've come to be quite proud of this, after hearing tormented roomates throw up in the middle of the night, then to find it still in the bathroom sink the very next morning. back to topic at hand -   i am one to blackout, and this i did. 

all i know was that i was talking to some cute skinny guy with a stupid name, which now looking back - is not in the least bit specific. 

and i'm holding a solo cup full of cabernet. 

this is all happening in slow motion. 

the wine sloshing in my cup as i'm moving my arms in passion of HOW MUCH I LOVE COFFEE.  but again, in slow motion so to me, my spastic arm gestures were more of me "conducting" the conversation. the wine has a thickness of maple syrup in my eyes, so it takes a while for me to notice that this substance is moving out of the pastic solo cup at a much fast rate, and all over my shirt. 

and i think to myself, "when did THIS happen"?

i walked out of the conversation abruptly,  buttoned up my vest to cover my spills, then walked with a friend. thats all i remember. 

i'm planning on just soaking it in more wine and having a maroon sweat shop shirt.

hindered.

Its hard to hold back. I feel things pretty intensely, and I'm an especially expressive person. When I'm happy, there is no doubt to others that I am so. Same goes for being angry, bummed, or annoyed. But just recently have I had to hold back what passion I have. Not that in anyway am I being forced to, its just out of respect for others that I know that it is needed. At times, I really hate making people comfortable.

whoa tree.